


In the Beginning

by Niebelungen



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 06:48:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26847676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niebelungen/pseuds/Niebelungen
Summary: It seems like a lot of wincest accepts incest just a little too easily. I've placed a rape warning, but it's not so much rape as coercion. It briefly covers the time leading up to Sam going away to college. One sided romantic love on Sam's part. Sam's developing feelings as regards his brother.
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester
Kudos: 14





	In the Beginning

Sprntrl In the beginning

It started with little tingling sensations and excitability, puberty, that is. It was really directed at anything initially. Sam’s father was a cold and distant man, more negligent than actively abusive. When he was present, it was just orders or training, he was more drill master than dad. Dean was there for Sam, he was Sam’s comfort and go to. Dean was Sam’s model of what a man should be, he was also a moody teen. 

Sam loved Dean and Dean loved Sam, but Dean, being a teenager, would often skip out and get into trouble, usually with girls. Still, for a teenager, Dean was very subservient towards their father. He probably blew off a lot of steam with hunting and sex. The trauma of the fire and losing family had made Dean more clingy to family than regular kids. Sam lacked these early childhood traumas, so his rebelliousness was more in line with other children embarking on puberty.

His mother being dead was just a fact, not a loss, the way it was for Dean. By the age of twelve, Sam’s sexuality fastened more specifically on people. By the time he was thirteen he started to wonder if he was bisexual. By the time he was fourteen, he knew he was bisexual and had kissed, made out with, and dated some girls and boys. It was always pretty casual, because with them moving constantly, it couldn’t help but be casual. Sam felt his capacity to love and yearned for real relationships, but it seemed hopeless. 

Sam was sixteen when he really felt the sickness within him take hold. He was constantly fighting with his father and Dean. Quite frankly, there were times when he felt like he hated everyone, especially family. They were suffocating. 

“Dean, escort your brother back to the hotel!” John Winchester yelled.  
“Yes, sir.” Yessir, that was Dean alright. He always sided with dad. Dad’s perfect little soldier, just wind him up and point him in the direction you want him to go. Dean tried to take Sam’s arm, but Sam yanked it away. 

“Sam, why do you always have to be like that?”  
“I was only saying that approaching the vamps nest from three points would give us a strategical advantage, Dean!”  
“That’s the kind of stuff that you should have brought up before we started.”  
“How could I? Dad never gives us any information.”  
“Still, you can’t just dash off on your own, Sammy! You put us all in danger!”  
“You know what, I’m not talking about this anymore! So just stop, Dean! I already heard it all from dad.”

The two young men were both seething by the time they entered the hotel room. They had to stay together for safety, otherwise both would have stormed off as far from each other as possible. Sam got to the bathroom first, slamming the door behind him. Dean started on weapons maintenance. Cleaning everything and sharpening knives. He checked inventory and made notes of what they needed. Then he journaled. God, Sam was taking a long shower.

“Jeez, Sam, do you always spank the monkey after arguing with me?” Dean’s mood had improved by the time Sam got out of the shower. The truth was that Sam wasn’t spanking anything, he was letting cold water run over him in an attempt to reign in his temper. Then he had gotten too cold and turned the water hot. This helped relax his muscles and drained any residual energy out of him. He no longer had the energy to be angry. At this point Sam just melted into his bed, he knew John wasn’t going to be home for at least a week. 

Dean turned off the shower and flung open the bathroom door, a plume of steam escaping. Dean’s body was spot-lighted by the bathroom light against the dark of the motel room. He had the body of a fucking greek god. He was the kind of muscled youth that cried to be hammered out in marble. Sam watched his brother towel off, pull on some shorts, and flick off the bathroom light, before stumbling into his own bed. 

Sam knew he felt lust, he knew he was feeling lust eyeing his brother’s naked form. Sam also knew he was bi and reasoned that he was just attracted to a male form, not his brother as such. It was just lust, he just needed to go out and get laid, which he did the next day. It’s surprisingly easy to pick up someone at bookstores. The guy was a dick, but he was hot, willing, and it turned out talented. He was also twenty one, so, you know, free booze. He referred to Sam as jail-bait, but didn’t seem deterred by that. 

Dean was off having his own fun, probably at some skeevy bar. He had picked up day-drinking from their father. Sam liked to get pleasantly buzzed, but he rarely drank enough to get drunk. In contrast, Dean was a functioning alcoholic. Sam blamed their father, but he also blamed Dean. Dean indulged himself on all the vices, but he never took care of himself. He never seemed to care what happened to him. 

John Winchester was concerned about Sam. His unruliness aside, this had never happened with Dean, Sam seemed, what was the word, preoccupied, with Dean. His looks too intense, his touches too lingering. John was concerned, he was concerned that he was losing the boy, but he was also concerned that he was getting too close to his brother. What concerned him most was Sam being turned evil by Azazel.

“You wanted to know the plan, so here’s the goddamn plan!” John was shouting at Sam again.  
“I don’t want to just take orders! I have a brain, you know! It would make far more sense to set up explosives in the north and west of the compound. Then Dean and I can use the distraction to enter from the SE.”  
“I’ve been hunting for most of your lifetime. I know more about hunting than you ever will. I did not inform you of our plans just so you could start an argument.”  
“Fine! Fine!” Sam shouted, “If you don’t want my input then I’m leaving!” Sam stormed out of their latest hotel room.

John sighed, “I can’t seem to get through to him. I can’t seem to talk to him without it turning into an argument.”  
Dean wasn’t sure how to respond. He wanted to comfort his father, but a part of him understood where Sammy was coming from. “You’re doing the best you can, dad.” That was Dean, brother, mother, and therapist.  
“Dean, I’m losing him, we’re losing him. It’s imperative that we keep an eye on him. He can’t be left alone. Terrible things will happen to him.”  
“What, dad? What’s going to happen?”  
John was evasive in his answer, “The thing that killed Mary, might come back and hurt Sam.”

“Dean, I need you,” John swallowed and continued, “I need you to do whatever it takes to tie Sam to you. I would like nothing better than for him to have a normal life, but it’s just not possible, not for him. Do you understand me, Dean? I need you to do anything to keep him with you.”  
“Yes, sir. I will, dad. I’ll do anything for Sammy.” Dean was frustrated, he knew his father was withholding something. Probably a lot of somethings. Dean had done everything, he had always been there. Why wouldn’t his father trust him?

Dean tracked Sam down, by now, Dean was a pro at tracking Sammy down. Sam was a serial runner. He just had to figure out how to talk him around, get him to come back.  
“You know that dad’s just concerned about you. You know that he loves you. He’s just trying to protect you.”  
“I don’t need his protection. I don’t want his protection.” Dean looked lost, no, Sam decided, he looked desperate. That more than anything, seeing that expression on Dean’s face drained the last of Sam’s resolve. It was the expression of the frightened four year old, who had lost his mother. It was an expression that he never wanted Dean to have to make, and here he was the cause of it.  
“Just come back, Sam. Please. For me.” That’s when Sam realized the twisted truth. He realized that he was in love with his brother.

He’d had dreams about his brother from time to time, but he just dismissed them. Dreams are just the garbage can of the mind. Dean was hot and Sam just lusted after hot guys. He had mostly been able to dismiss such thoughts. It’s not like he couldn’t get it up for anyone else. He’d had plenty of sex. There just weren’t any people who were as goddamned sexy as Dean. Sam wondered if this wasn’t a part of why he kept running away. Maybe he was running away from his unnatural, or was that supernatural, feelings for his brother.

It’s not that Dean was stupid, he was just oddly naive. He was straight and it never occurred to him that his brother wasn’t. Sam had just turned 17 and Dean was looking for him. He wanted to celebrate with Sammy and had gotten liquor and porn mags as a gift for his brother. He had also gotten a cake, though pie would be better. 

He’d tracked Sam down to an apartment building, which was odd. Sam had come to this place with a guy that struck Dean as decidedly shady. When he got to the apartment door, he heard signs of a struggle. Dean picked the lock and burst into the apartment. He wished he hadn’t. The guy was naked on the floor, Sam was standing naked in front of the guy. They were both hard. 

Everyone was frozen for a moment. Then everyone started shouting at the same time.  
“Who the hell are you and what are you doing in my apartment?” “What the fuck are you doing to my brother?” “Damnit, Dean! Why can’t you just leave me alone?”

“Your brother? Sam, are you and this guy brothers?”  
“Sam, get dressed and get the hell out of here.” Dean commanded in that dangerously quiet voice.  
Sam knew he had to get him away. He had to get Dean away before he beat the crap out of some random guy that Sam had picked to have a good time. Assault and battery were not Sam’s idea of a good time. He pulled his clothes on and dragged and cajoled his brother out of the apartment and back to their hotel room. 

“What the hell, Sammy? That guy was older than me.”  
“Not by much.”  
“Okay, I was a little surprised by the fact that you were banging a dude, but couldn’t you at least have found someone your own age?”  
“I like them older.” Sam replied. “Look, Dean, he didn’t molest me or coerce me or force me. I picked him. I like older men.”  
Dean shuddered.  
“It’s my sex life, it’s really none of your business.”  
Dean sighed, “You’re right. I’m sorry. I know you can take care of yourself.”

They had both calmed down. Dean pulled out the cake and gave Sam his presents. “Though the porn is of girls. I hope that’s okay.”  
“I’m bi, Dean, but I’m not sure that it’s ever okay for someone to give his brother porn.”  
“Anyway, happy birthday Sammy.” Dean looked so earnest and Sam locked eyes with him. He didn’t mean to, but he was just so in love with Dean in that moment. Dean blushed and started to look uncomfortable and broke their gaze. 

Ever since that moment, Dean had started to notice things about Sam. Reactions that he hadn’t picked up on before. He also started to think back about how Sam had been behaving around him. It couldn’t be, could it? It doesn’t really make sense. Anyway, Sam’s just a horny teenager, he could probably get turned on by a toaster. Dean started moving away from Sam, avoiding contact. 

The brothers were working a case, just the two of them. Some guy named Greg was telling them about what happened to his partner. Greg was Sam’s type and Sam was turning it on. Why was Sam always drawn to these shady losers? Most of them looked like they had just gotten out of prison or would soon be heading there. Who ever said gay guys were soft pansy types. Like any other human being, they covered the spectrum. If Sam had to date older guys, couldn’t he date ones that were respectable, with steady jobs? 

Anyway, focus, we’re here to investigate, which would be easier if his brother wasn’t using sympathy as an excuse to drool all over Greg. “So, when was the last time that you saw Eric?” Dean asked.  
“Man, I’m not sure what went down. We were both so high, I only remember bits and pieces.”  
This guy was turning out to be less than helpful.  
“Do you remember where you were the last time you saw your lover?” Sam asked in a seemingly sympathetic manner. 

Sam couldn’t help it, the guy was hot. He had the same hair as Dean, though longer. More importantly, he had a lot of the same expressions as Dean. They managed to get the last place Greg remembered seeing Eric. Greg had passed out in an alley between a bar and a fast food joint. When they were back in the car, Dean started in on Sam. “Sammy, focus. The guy had just lost someone and you were practically humping him.”  
Sam laughed, “Like you’re one to talk. Dean, I’ve seen you hit on women before their boyfriend’s bodies had grown cold.”  
That was not true, that was definitely not true. “Anyway, why is it always these types of guys?”  
“What type?” Sam responded.  
“Shady bastards who look like they would kill you as soon as fuck you.”  
Sam laughed again. He hadn’t thought of it that way, but that totally described Dean.

“What are you giggling about? You think this is funny?”  
Sam gave Dean a long look. “Dean, let’s go back to the hotel and get drunk.”  
Dean was a little surprised, but who was he to argue about a good idea. After they had finished investigating they headed back to the hotel and drank. They were both giggling by then and playing around. Then Sam pulled Dean to him and kissed him. It was like a splash of cold water. Dean pulled himself away from Sam. 

“Dean, I’m sorry.” Sam’s voice stumbled over the words.  
“It’s alright. You’re just drunk. Just, go to bed.”  
Sam paused meditatively, “Dean it’s not just the drink. I love you.”  
“Sam, you’re not making sense. Just go to bed.”  
“Dean, listen to me! I’m in love with you. I desire you. I dream of you. I jack-off to images of you. I love you romantically. You are everything that I want.”  
“Sam! Shut up! Just shut up! You can’t, Sammy, you just can’t.” And Sam could see that Dean’s heart was breaking. He had betrayed Dean’s pure love and trust. Sam was foul. He was something horrible that could only corrupt everyone around him. 

When Dean woke up, Sam was gone, again. 

Dean dreaded having to go to his father and explain that Sam was, once again, AWOL. More to the point, what was he going to say? How could he possibly explain about Sammy? Maybe Sammy’s being affected by some monster or something. That would explain everything. Then Dean and his father could hunt the monster and save Sam and everything would be back to normal. When Dean caught up with his father, he froze. The words just wouldn’t come. 

“Dean, report.”  
Dean blushes, he averts his gaze and fidgets, “Sammy’s left, again.”  
“Dean, do you have ants in your pants? Stand up straight, stop fidgeting, and look me in the eye.”  
“Yessir.”  
“Now, what is it? You obviously have something more to say.”  
“I think Sammy’s been cursed.”  
“Cursed,” John looks panicked, “Why? What happened?”  
“He..., Dad..., He said he loves me.”  
John looks relieved, “So?”  
“No, dad, you don’t understand. He said that he desires me...sexually.”  
John takes a deep breath, answering Dean on the exhale, “Dean, remember what I said. You have to do whatever it takes to keep Samuel close to you.”  
Dean felt as if he had been slammed against a wall, again. Only this time it was a cement wall and he was at speeds over 60. His father obviously didn’t understand. Maybe his dad was cursed too.

“Dean, listen to me. Sam’s wrong, he’s just wrong inside. He’s part of something...evil. And it’s our responsibility to take care of it.”  
That was when Dean realized, it wasn’t his brother that was cursed. It was his whole family. “How long?”  
“What? Dean, you’ll have to speak up.”  
“How long have you known about Sammy’s feelings for me?”  
“Dean, does this matter?”  
Does this matter? Was his father really asking that? “What are you asking me to do?”  
“I’m asking you to do whatever it takes to keep Sam close.”

Dean felt sick, he stumbled away from his father and ran to the car. “No!” He started to drive, he didn’t know where to. “No!” He thought over everything that just happened. He couldn’t believe it. He just couldn’t believe it. This was some hellish nightmare. Maybe he was in hell already and this was his torment. What had Dean been? What was he? Take care of Sammy? What does that even mean? Dean had always thought that it meant love and family, but the way his father had said it. It sounded more like Dean was meant to be Sammy’s prison. What was Dean? Sam’s warden? Did take care of Sammy, just mean handle it? Take care of the problem, because John couldn’t be bothered? 

Dean pulled off to the side of the road, his fists beating the steering wheel. “Noooo!!!” Dean cried out. “No! NO! NO!” Dean couldn’t take it anymore. He just couldn’t handle anything anymore. He certainly couldn’t handle Sammy. 

Sam felt immeasurable anguish. Just that. He had left his brother, run away from him. He had ruined everything, his perversion had ruined everything. He wouldn’t go back this time. He wouldn’t corrupt his pure brother. All Sam could feel was grief, misery, and pain, and it was getting worse. Suddenly, Sam could hear his brother screaming in his head. Just wordless screaming, It sounded like Dean was being tortured. Sam felt a tug at the back of his mind, it gave him a sense of which direction his brother was. 

He drove, while holding on to that tenuous connection in his mind. He caught up with his brother, heading in the opposite direction on the highway. Sam pulled a U-turn and followed the Impala. 

The car following Dean was not being subtle, even without seeing the driver, he realized it was Sam. He pulled into the first gas station that he came across. God he didn’t want to do this. He didn’t want another emotional scene with Sam. He got out of his car and plastered a smile on his face, it felt painful. Sam ran up to his brother, “Dean! Are you alright?”  
Alright? How could Dean possibly be alright? Still he was surprised at Sam’s greeting. “You know me, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” Dean kept grinning like a maniac.

Dean wasn’t fine, Sam could see that much, but he wasn’t being burnt alive either. “Dean, you aren’t fine. Anyone can see that.”  
“I’m fine Sam.” Dean insisted and started walking back to the Impala. Sam followed and slid into the passenger’s seat. It was such a familiar routine, Dean pulled out of the gas station and started to drive.  
“Dean, we’ve got to talk about this.”  
Talk? Why did Sammy always want to talk? Doesn’t he realize that talking will just make everything worse? “Sam... don’t...Just...I just can’t.” If they pull back now, they can pretend that everything is normal. 

“Dean,” Sam said with a pitying look, “what happened?”  
“What?! You mean other than my brother saying that he wants to screw me?”  
Sam flinched, but he wasn’t going to let this go. “Dean, something else happened. What was it?”  
“Dad knew.”  
Sam wasn’t sure he heard right. Dean had muttered so quietly under his breath. “What? What are you talking about Dean?”  
“Dad, he’s known about your feelings for me for years. He... he told me to do whatever it takes to keep you. He told me to give you whatever you want.” Dean started crying, he couldn’t help it. 

Sam felt sick. Was his father really willing to sacrifice his eldest son in order to control his youngest? That sick bastard! Was he really just willing to use Dean like that? Sam loved Dean, it may have been a sick and twisted love, but Sam loved Dean and didn’t want to hurt him. Well, not any more than he already had. They pulled into an hotel and got a room. Sam wanted to talk, but he just didn’t have the words. His mind was still trying to process what was going on. Dean just seemed crushed. He barely bothered to undress before he just flopped into his bed. 

Sam shed everything but his boxers, before flopping into his own bed. He would stay with Dean, he couldn’t leave him, not after this. He would just have to shelve his sickness, for Dean’s sake. 

The brothers were working a case. There had been a string of murders, all instances of parents killing their children. They had interviewed the parents, both in and out of jail.  
“I’m thinking ghost possession.” Dean said.  
“Maybe, but there’s nothing connecting any of the families. Plus there’s no leads on who might be the ghost. It just doesn’t make sense.”  
“Well, what’s your theory, Sam?”

“Witch.”  
“Good God, why? There’s absolutely no evidence of a witch.”  
“Well, there’s no evidence of ghosts either. Anyway, it reminds me of the myth of Medea. There’s also Hildebrandslied and the Nibelungenlied. They’re all stories where the parent causes the death of their children, either for vengeance or honor.”  
“Honor? What’s honorable about killing your children?”  
“Well, in Hildebrandslied duty to the lord that you served was placed ahead of duty to family. It’s not unlike parents having to send their children to war. They are sending their children to their death, because of loyalty to the state.” 

“But that’s not the case with our vics.” Dean pointed out, “This isn’t a case of vengeance or sacrifice. This is just murder, with no purpose.”  
Sam sighed, “As far as purpose, there’s no purpose that we can determine. However, there has to be some motivation. We need to determine the motivation.” 

It was not unusual for the brothers to touch each other, but they were platonic touches. They conveyed a sense of comfort or familiarity, but now their innocence was ruined. Sam would unconsciously touch Dean or let his look linger too long and then when he noticed he would stop himself uncomfortably. Dean felt it, the comfort was gone, the casual familiarity was gone. Sam’s touches were no longer innocent; they were charged with electricity. Dean felt pain, he wanted that easy familiarity back. He wanted the comfort of family. He pretended he didn’t notice, if they both kept pretending then things would go back to normal. 

The brothers stripped off their clothes and changed into pajama bottoms. Sam sat at the dippy motel table, working on his laptop. He was looking through newspaper articles for anything that might give them a clue as to what’s going on. He was also trying not to think about Dean’s little strip show that Sam got to see every morning and every night. Why is it that they didn’t book connecting, but separate rooms? Did Sam just like torturing himself with these intimate glimpses of Dean? 

Sam started to notice a pattern. “Dean, look at this.” Dean walks over and leans right over Sam’s shoulder to stare at the computer screen. It’s a casual act for Dean, but his face is right next to Sam’s and neither of them are wearing shirts. Sam could easily just turn his head and kiss Dean.  
“What am I looking at Sam?”  
“This death, and this one, and these here. They all coincide with the murder of those children.”  
“Yeah, but that could be a coincidence. We already know that their parents killed those children. The parents couldn’t be in two places at once.”  
“No, I’m not suggesting that, but the deaths are the same. These other individuals died in the same manner as the children and at the same time. There’s got to be some connection.”

“Well, we’ll think it over tomorrow. You need some rest before that computer screen burns your eyes out. Let’s hit the hay.” Sam shuts down his laptop and then turns off the light before he shuts his eyes. Sam’s mind is churning over the events of the past few days. It’s all jumbled together as he drifts into slumber, the case, his lust for his brother and his guilt. 

When Dean wakes up, Sam is heading out the door for a morning jog. Dean throws himself into the shower. Then he gets ready to face the day. Sam gets back, kicks his clothes off, and goes into the bathroom to take his shower. Dean picks up Sam’s research looking for some connection between the children and the people whose deaths mirrored those children. 

Sam flung the bathroom door open, letting the steam escape. He then toweled himself off, before stepping into the room and getting dressed. Sam wished that Dean cared, wished that Dean would glance his way. He wanted to feel Dean’s eyes on his body. How long could they keep this up? How long could he keep this up? He knew, he had always known that there was something tainted inside him, something evil. He knew that it would corrupt everything that he touched, everyone around him. 

Dean was light, he was purity of purpose, he was Sam’s savior. He had not just saved Sam from the fire, but he had saved Sam from the loneliness. Without Dean, no one would have been there for Sammy. No one would have raised Sam, certainly not their father. Dean had taught Sam what love was and Sam had taken that and twisted it. He had corrupted his brother’s love. Dean wanted to keep Sam, wanted Sam to stay no matter how stained he was. 

Can he do that? Can he stay with Dean no matter what? Sam still felt that the best thing for everyone, the best thing for Dean, would be if Sam left. Sam should leave before he hurts Dean any further. Maybe Sam could leave and find some way to purify himself. He could at least try to be normal. 

They talked to the parents again, this time asking, not about the children, but about the parallel victims. The also talked to people who had known those victims. Sam also did additional research on his laptop. In the majority of cases they were able to find connections between the parents who killed their children and the parallel victims. The parallel victims had been blackmailers, loan sharks, shady businessmen, criminals or just really sucky people who had harmed the parents in some way or other. 

“It looks like the parents had a grudge against the parallel victims. In other instances, the children’s deaths were followed by good fortune coming to the parents, such as money or other forms of success.” Sam offered.  
“How good can their fortune be? At least half of them are facing charges.”  
“Yeah, but I’ve been following those cases and it seems likely that in each case the parents will be acquitted. There are at least four instances where the parents have reached plea deals. Four, where the parents got off with a claim of temporary insanity.”  
“What, so these parents are going to just get away with it?”  
“Not if we can help it.” Sam said grimly. 

They tracked down the parents, again. This time they trapped them and used intimidation to interrogate the parents.  
Dean begins “So, Tom, shortly after you killed your three children, you received a huge promotion and your stocks all started to take off.”  
“So?” Tom replies.  
Dean slaps him and then asks, “Apparently, all the charges against you were dropped. Temporary insanity.”  
“Well, what else could it be? I love my children, I had no motive to harm them.”  
Dean slaps the man again.  
“Why did you do it?” Sam asks quietly, “How does killing your kids result in your success?”  
“It doesn’t, you’re crazy.” The man cries out.  
Sam looks the man directly in the eye. Dean burns hot, but Sam burns cold. In the heat of the moment, Dean will cross boundaries, he’ll pursue with all of the brutality of an attack dog. Dean can be cruel, malevolent even, but it’s all filled with passion. Dean may be psychotic, but it’s Sam who is sociopathic. Sam’s cruelty is calm and deliberate, it is the ice that burns through your skin and freezes your core. Dean would be the one shouting and beating, but Sam is the one coldly holding the knife to your throat, calmly carving you to his form. 

Sam steps forward as Dean steps back. Sam just looks at the man, nothing more.  
That’s when Tom breaks, “It was the god, Helius. If you sacrifice your children to Helius, then he’ll grant your wish.”  
“And for success, you killed your children?” Sam said disbelievingly.  
The brothers caught up with the other parents and found out what they could about this god. Apparently Helius didn’t just grant wishes, he also protected his worshippers.  
“Helius is a god of purity, a sun god.” Sam reads from the website.  
“What’s pure about sacrificing children?” Dean responds.  
“Well, children are a symbol of purity. Plus, those who would sacrifice their own children are demonstrating a purity of purpose. They are willing to sacrifice anything to get what they want.” 

They interviewed the last person, Susan, who had killed her two children to get revenge.  
“I don’t get it. I really don’t get why you did this?” Sam said.  
“He was a child molester. He had molested one of my boys. He had to be stopped. I had to stop him for the sake of my David.”  
“That’s what doesn’t make sense. You killed David to get revenge for what happened to David?” Dean asked.  
“David’s life had already been ruined. He was already dead. You have no idea what he was like after what that monster did to him.”  
“But what about your other son? What about Tim? He could have lived a normal life.”  
“It was necessary that he die for the sake of his brother. The god requires that you sacrifice all of your children.”  
Sam loses it, “So what? Tim doesn’t matter? You just use him for the sake of his brother and don’t even think about him?”  
Susan doesn’t answer, they look at her with disgust. 

They hold the parents captive until Helius comes to rescue them. He’s promised them protection. Helius appears and they shoot him with an arrow made from a laurel branch. These are strong symbols of Apollo, the sun god who supplanted Helius. In a way, it is like the son killing the father. Well, whatever, Dean thinks, it works, and that’s what matters. 

Sam has been fuming. Even as they drive to meet up with John, Sam is fuming. He’s been fuming ever since the close of that last case. They had let the parents go. The parents were humans. They didn’t hunt humans. But letting them go left a bitter taste in the boys’ mouths.  
“What could we have done, Sam? Do you want to me to drive back so that we can kill them?  
“You know they’re the same as our father.”  
“Sam, don’t”  
“John sacrificed our lives. He sacrificed both of us to pursue his vendetta.”  
“Our dad would never do what those people did.”  
“Are you sure? If it meant killing the thing that killed mom, I bet he wouldn’t hesitate to kill us both.”  
“Sam, how can you say that?”

The arguing escalates and by the time they get to the hotel they beat the crap out of each other in the parking lot. They’re both laying by the car, bloodied, bruised, and panting.”  
“I can’t do this anymore, Dean. I just can’t.”  
Panic instills itself deep into Dean’s heart. “Sam, let’s just check in, clean up, and then we’ll talk when we’ve calmed down.”  
“Okay, but you’re not going to change my mind.”

Dean’s finished his shower and Sam is taking his. Dean’s sitting on the bed. He doesn’t bother to put any clothes on, he’s not going to need them. Sam opens the bathroom door and towels off. He espies Dean and can’t help how his eyes drag over Dean’s form. “Dean, why aren’t you wearing any clothes?” Dean shushes Sammy as he approaches him. Dean has seduced many women and it always starts with the look. Dean locks eyes filled with promise onto Sam. 

He raises a hand and gently caresses the line of Sam’s jaw. His hand trails down as his other hand pulls Sam into an embrace. Gentle lips brush against Sam’s and Sam succumbs. He guesses that the heat of the argument, must have turned Dean on. Sam allows himself to be dominated, to be controlled. He wants to give his brother everything. It’s strange, because normally, Sam can’t stand to be controlled. 

It’s a slow build, with loving touches. Dean is gentle as he works his brother open. At least Sam is eighteen, now. Does that make this any better? The answer in Dean’s mind is no. Dean knows that he’s betraying everything that he is. He’s betraying Sam. He’s no better than those parents who sacrifice their children to get what they want. He’s sacrificing Sam so that he can hold onto him. 

Seduction is an old game, sex is an old game for Dean. Muscle memory gets him through the deed. He absents himself from his mind and penetrates his brother. His body falls into familiar patterns. Eventually the act is finished. Dean waits for Sam to fall into slumber, before he rushes to the bathroom and hurls into the toilet. He keeps throwing up and then there are just dry heaves. He goes into the shower, trying to rid himself of his sin. He collapses onto the floor of the shower; he is the worst big brother ever.

Sam drifts into slumber thinking that Dean is the best big brother ever. He’s overjoyed to have his feelings returned. He loves Dean so much and is basking in the afterglow. 

Later that night he wakes to the sound of Dean throwing up, repeatedly. Then he hears the shower. Dean stays in there for a long time and Sam starts to feel sick. Sam doesn’t want to think it, but he forces himself to face the truth. Dean actually sacrificed himself to hold onto Sammy. Sam wouldn’t have believed that Dean would do something like that. He thought that Dean had finally returned his feelings. Sam has destroyed his brother. He has tainted the last good thing in his life. The next morning Sam went away to college.


End file.
